Dearest Gentle Reader, let’s get personal shall we?…….

Dearest Gentle Reader,

(I have wanted to say that for so long!) 

It feels like it has been a hot minute!  Actually it has been 3 months of a hot minute.

So let me explain why – as no, you haven’t been abandoned and I most certainly have appreciated the emails and messages and check ins.

If you are not interested in hearing about it, please skip to the reading part.  Okay?

As many of you know, my mothership and I had an “interesting” relationship at times.  She could be incredibly judgemental, unkind and most certainly loved to point out I was the Black Sheep.

For the last 3 and a bit months prior to the mothership choosing MAID on June 7th, I went and spent time with her every day.

And in that time I received an incredible, amazing blessing and gift.

She allowed her armour to drop, the judgements to fade away and we laughed and talked and teased and loved in a way I can’t ever remember doing with her.  It truly was an incredible gift.

Now if you don’t know what MAID is, it’s Medical Assistance In Dying.  

She had chosen this prior and it was meant to be a month out but on that day she had had enough, so it was 2 hours heads up! 

And as of 1:13pm on June 7th things started getting “interesting.”

First off, my brother (only surviving family member), who turned up 10 minutes before the MAID process, expressed to me after she died his disappointment in me that I had called the funeral home, as he felt we should leave her body there for 3 days so he could visit it and be with her.

Hmm.  Appreciating this is the man that last year at my sister’s Celebration of Life decided to strip down to swim trunks and swim in her scattered ashes.

With her death we were then presented with the fact that her home, her life, her things had to be packed up, sorted, and distributed in under a month!  So needless to say the only way for me to do that was to take time off work and put my grief in a shoebox in the back of the closet.

My brother was useless as tits on a bull to be blunt and instead advised everyone (including my children) that none of us understood his complex grief and then went on an attack rampage focused solely on his perceived slights, misunderstandings and anger which he kindly directed fully at moi!

Toss on the cherry on that explosive toxic cake that the executor is his ex-wife who decided to work out some of her dysfunction with him and the attacks and vitriol were coming in quick and fast.

So here we are 3 months out and I had postponed my Mum’s Celebration of Life due to this fucked up family dynamic, have offered solution after solution which have all been discarded and finally came to the place of Enough!  

Not a “Fuck You” enough, but a heart and soul based “No.”

My shoebox in the closet is asking to be opened, my children are looking to honour their Nanny and have healing, grieving and closure.

Thus, the celebration of life now has a date, I’ve been super clear about my boundaries and have fully distanced myself from my brother and his ex wife and hopefully he gets to a point where he doesn’t hold the whole family hostage and will allow the Will to go to probate.

Huzzah!

Now, why am I sharing this with you?

Because, transparency is important to me and I feel that I have been in Imago for the last 3 months. 

Imago is what happens when a caterpillar cocoons before they transform, thus not a caterpillar, nor a butterfly – just the goo, a third entity unto itself.  

So within this glorious goo phase many things have changed.  My work, my life, my thoughts.

So yes, there is a reading today, will there be one weekly over the next month – No and I will explain why shortly.  

Also, within this process it’s been most interesting and I have relearned that when one closes off a whole huge piece such as grief and the death of the last parental – it also closes out a lot of joy and magick and seeing the delight in the every day.

I’ve also noticed that many around the world are in that place of Imago – the not knowing as our world seems to go to hell in a handbasket politically, financially, economically and yet there is a collective yearning for something more supportive, loving and joyful.  

Can you feel it?

So let me ask the questions of you that I have been exploring in great depth for the last 3 months.

What does your heart want (not your brain)?  

What does your soul need?  

How can you bring that into your life in a more tangible way?

What have you put off due to overthinking that would make your soul sing?

What do you need to release to allow more of that yumminess in?

Why those questions?

Because when you are in the Imago, the goo, they bring you back to your essence, they bring you back to Source and Love and they provide you with the breadcrumb trail to follow, which often is not logical at all.

An example of this in my own life is – for all you amazing ones who joined in when we did The Omen Days, if  you remember you had 13 wishes and by the end of the Omen Days you were left with one, yes?

That last wish was the one you were meant to create this year.  

My wish that I was left with was “I am travelling Ireland, UK and Wales and exploring the Sacred Sites.”

It’s been a goal and a dream I have had for at least 2 years and I kept putting it off and putting it off.

However, with all the drama of the last 3 months, and asking myself those questions every day, paring back the things that were done and allowing myself to sit in the Imago – guess what?

I leave in less than a week!  

Spirit, Soul and Heart have said over and over again – “It’s time to go back to your roots, it’s time to embrace the ancestral healing and love, it’s time to open and transform.”

So I am.  Hence why there won’t be weekly readings for the next 5 weeks!

However, for all of you who have asked, will there be an Equinox Guide, yes. 

She will be released this Wednesday.

I personally will be spending Equinox (September 22nd), my birthday, my 60th birthday at New Grange in Ireland.  If you don’t know this site – go check it out, it’s delicious.

Okay, that was a lot of openness and sharing, and for those of you who have skipped straight to the reading let’s crack on shall we?

When I went to the cards to ask who wanted to share their wisdom and insight with you this week, the glorious “Love Your Inner Goddess” guides came out big and bold.  Now if these are new to you, please let me introduce them (as it would be rude not to).  

“These guides have come to help you awaken and express your divine feminine spirit, to live from your heart, to empower your true self – and to discover your sacred rebel within, to say no to the voices of fear and hate and become a voice for love, truth and spirit on the earth.  Living as a soul, with truth, takes real courage in this world. 

We are often taught to follow the rules and be a good boy or girl – and that if we do this, everything will be OK. 

Your inner goddess thinks that is a bunch of nonsense.  She wants so much more for you.  She wants you to live a beautiful divine destiny.  She will show you how to be a loving rebel, breaking the rules that go against your heart and soul, changing the game and playing from the heart.  She’ll show you how to live the life that is meant only for you. 

You are meant to stir up healing change and be a voice for what is wise, loving and true.  There are issues in our own lives and the world that need to change, that need to be healed.  Your inner goddess knows how to bring about healing change with love, playfulness, courage and dignity.  She is a fearless minx who will help you dance, love, storm and laugh your way into a more beautiful world, created from the heart. “ 

Seriously, the perfect guides for this time.  Woosah!

So gorgeous one, breathe.  Just breathe, BE and allow yourself to relax, your mind to calm, your breath to slow and ask your wise inner self – what do I need to know this week.  Then when you are ready, pick the card or cards that tug at your heartstrings – don’t let your mind pick!

Did you remember to pick?

Let’s go have a gander shall we?

ANGEL OF TRUTH

The truth wants to be told, needs to be heard.  It may seem like the whole world wants to believe in a lie, and so you wonder if you are crazy, if you are the only one who is thinking differently and desiring the real story to emerge.  Yet those that fight against the truth are even more in need of it!  There can be no healing, no freedom, no moving one without it.  

You are going to be blessed with a truth revealed, a realisation about yourself, the world or others that will bring you relief.  It will happen at the right time.  It will set your soul free.  

Sometimes, the lies we are repeatedly told become so familiar that we forget that they are lies and begin to believe that they are real.  Maybe it’s someone judging us that is the lie.  Maybe it’s advertising and the media, which are often more about deceptive manipulation that a source of correct information.  Whatever the source, all untruth teaches us the same thing – that we must be afraid and hate each other.  

When we are fed so  many false truths, it can become hard to remember what real truth feels like.  It can even start to seem like the truth doesn’t matter as much as being able to convince another person to accept your point of view.  This is like poison for the soul.

The soul needs truth like your body needs air.  It keeps it alive.  Deep in your soul, you know what is true, and you know when you, or anyone else, is not being truthful.  You are sensitive enough to know that only truth feels good for you.  You must give yourself permission to be truthful with your own soul and live honestly, authentically and bravely in this world.  It is the only way for you to be really you.  

QUEEN OF HEARTS

Your heart has been chosen by the Divine to be a temple for spiritual light, an inner place where grace and healing can dwell.  This is very special.  A temple is kept clean and pure, scented with sacred perfumes of incense, made beautiful with our feelings uncluttered and spacious so that as much spiritual presence as possible can enter.

When spirit enters and fills the temple of the heart, things of extraordinary beauty take place.  Even the seemingly impossible becomes possible.  Clear your heart temple with forgiveness, gratitude and love for the spirit, so it can fulfil its divine destiny of being a sacred channel for beautiful divine grace.

The mind may believe it has got the power to rule, but, in truth, the heart is queen.  You are a true goddess of love, one who consults the heart for answers.  You will courageously follow the guidance of the heart.  Even when the mind doesn’t want to surrender to the call of the heart, and fearfully lists numerous reasons why it is crazy and stupid and will end badly, you know that the doubt of the mind is no match for the power of the heart.  

Things don’t need to make sense to your mind or to anyone else, they just need to make sense to your heart.  You are already a divine queen, your heart aflame with passionate purpose.  Stay true to your heart’s wisdom and you will change the world!

EARTH GODDESS

To live the dream, we have to surrender the fantasy.  This can be painful.  It feels like the end – when, in fact, it is the beginning.  Once the pain passes, there is the joy of what we have yearned for coming to life.  It may not be as perfect as the fantasy, but it will be real, and it can nourish us.  We can build our appetite for life with dreams, but we cannot be fed by them.  

The soul requires real life experience to become fully alive, to have experiences and grow.  There’s a fantasy that wants to become reality for you.  Don’t let a few gritty moments or human imperfections prevent you from experiencing the joy of heaven on Earth.

You have beautiful dreams and wonderful visions of what life could be.  It is not enough to imagine them.  You want to live them!  This is exactly how you are meant to feel.  For that to happen, you must practice feeling grounded, taking practical earthly steps, one at a time, to bring your dreams to life.

The Universe will send so much help your way, but you are the one who must take the steps.  Spirit cannot do that for you.  Even if you are not sure how your biggest, boldest dreams can come together, you can still ask  yourself, “What is it that I can do now?”

Remember you are an Earth Goddess.  You have the power to manifest your visions, to bring your beautiful ideas to life in the world.  This is what you are here to do.  Remember to love yourself enough to recognise your creative power and use it joyfully each day.  

You can’t make this shit up!  Seriously. 

So my gorgeous one, a message for you:- Whatever you are going through, bring it into your heart and your soul and ask the questions.  Follow the breadcrumb trail with faith and love, big love and trust that you are positively perfect and in the right space right now and everything is unfolding for your highest good.

You may get travel missives, you may not.  

Otherwise, see you in mid October.  

Big love and hugs,