Thoughts

What’s Love got to do with it?

As I wrote that title I envisioned Tina Turner belting out her song by the same name, loud and proud! So let me ask you – what does that song by Tina Turner and Charlie Chaplin have to do with Love? Stick with me and let’s go find out.

With it being Valentine’s Day I thought I would turn my hand to writing about love. Ahhhh, Love. The emotion that can make sane people crazy, and those without it feel lost.

“Sanskrit has 96 words for love; ancient Persian has 80, Greek three, and English only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling. Eskimos have 30 words for snow, because it is a life-and-death matter to them to have exact information about the element they live with so intimately. If we had a vocabulary of 30 words for love … we would immediately be richer and more intelligent in this human element so close to our heart. An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow; we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love. Of all the Western languages, English may be the most lacking when it comes to feeling.” – Robert Johnson, The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden

It’s so true. The I love you that I say to my kids as I hug them or push back the hair from their foreheads as I kiss them goodnight is very different to the I love you that I tell my gorgeous furry friends as I pet them. The I love you that I say to my soul sisters, who have watched me go to pieces, picked me up and dusted me off, is very different to the I love you that I say to my elderly mother who forgets that we have talked. All of these are gorgeous and I feel blessed, but more importantly is the I love you that I say to myself. Isn’t it selfish to love yourself, shouldn’t you come last on the list and everyone and everything before you? Hell No!

I spent many years not loving myself as I had been indoctrinated by my mother not to and I had fully bought into the story that to do so was narcissistic, selfish, ego centric – this in turn led to making some bad choices in relationships, allowing others to define my worth, allowing others and myself to diminish and hurt me and saying things to myself that I would NEVER say to another human being as they were too cruel, unkind and vile. Thankfully, I have learned differently, I have learned that first and foremost it is vital (yes, I did use that word) to love myself. As the more I love myself the more I can love, help, support and serve others and really show up as ME.

Think of it this way if you will – a piggy bank. There sits an empty piggy bank and daily you start to drop your change into it, now this change doesn’t come in coin form, it comes in gratitude, appreciation, valuing your effort, saying kind things to yourself, kicking the frigging gremlins out of your head or giving them a different project to do to occupy them. Soon your piggy bank is overflowing and you feel frigging amazing. Situations can happen but you realise that yup, that situation may have sucked, you may have messed up but you are still worthy, loveable and valued. You no longer offer yourself up as the victim or the sacrificial lamb for others or your own inner critics to punt around. Instead you own it, learn from it (and sometime in the future will laugh about it) and release it.

So as I was thrilled to come across this poem by Charlie Chaplin. Now if you don’t know who Charlie Chaplin was he was born in 1889 and was a silent film actor/comedian from about 1920 to 1950 and he was iconic for his mustache and his bowler hat. He died 40 years ago. Now this poem really speaks to what self love is and what it isn’t.

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”

Wishing you a fabulous Valentine’s Day and please remember to do something nice for yourself every day, as you are the only you there is.

How do you feel about the “F” word???

Jenny Heston · 5:26 pm ·

How do you feel about the “F” word? Does it make you cringe?

Do your shoulders go up around your ears, a possible shudder or does it make your teeth hurt?

Do you glare at the person who uses “that” word and then turn your back?

Do you tell them how offensive you find that word and that the use of that word shows limited development?

Oh yes, by the way, I’m not talking about the word – Fuck – I’m talking about the word Forgiveness.

Forgiveness, such a gorgeous word, but so frigging tricky to actually do, yet exceptionally important for your sake, not anybody else’s. You know the old saying – “Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking a glass of poison and hoping the other person dies?” It’s so true, half the time the person you are angry at doesn’t give a flying fig, can’t remember, doesn’t care or a myriad of other reasons, but you holding onto this energy does hurt you. So unless you are one of the exceptional few who has figured out how to ingest a substance and send it through the ethers into another human body, you might want to try a different route.

About 8 years ago one of my fabulous mentors advised me that I had a bit of an issue with forgiveness and they suggested I should work on that. Excuse me? I don’t carry grudges, I have no resentments, all is well in my world – mmmm, have to say, bullshit. So I chanted the Ho’oponopono for 2 weeks (yes a full 2 weeks, most of the time under my breath). Now if you don’t know what I’m talking about, or think that I am referring to some exotic tropical beverage, it’s the prayer of forgiveness and it’s super simple there are 4 lines. You pull the image up of the person or situation and sing, say, chant “I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”

Now that may sound totally daft to you or you may have worked with it, but it does work. If you want more information there are some fabulous sites online with a more detailed methodology and the back piece of where it came from.

So after the allotted time my response was – Sweet! I did two weeks of this so I’m all good right? I’ve released any anger, resentment etc that was there. The answer that came back was yes and Heck NO! I had most certainly dug deep and forgiven my 3rd grade teacher, my ex-husband, and everyone or anything else that I had a resentment to, but I hadn’t bothered forgiving myself.

My delicious ego kicked up with “Why do I need to forgive myself, I am a positive paragon of virtue!” (Which I am most certainly not). The fact of the matter is I’m human and I do fuck up (there’s that other F word), I have said unkind things, I have hurt someone’s feelings, I have forgotten a kids assembly at school, I have hurt my own feelings and state of being with huge negative self talk, disparaging comments and self attack.

So what I realised was as fantabulous as it was to do a two week process, I needed to have a daily forgiveness practice, not just a now and then one. Daily I needed to release any anger, blame, shame, judgement, fear or perceived stuff, whether directed at someone else or at myself. Why? Because that stuff can build up and be pushed down and it was limiting me, it was feeding fears, it was something I couldn’t change other than to say “I’m sorry”, it was energy being wasted.

So if you are thinking – I don’t need to practice forgiveness. Really? Come play with me for a moment and let me paint a random day.

You drive to work and someone cuts you off and you have to slam on your brakes to stop from rear ending them. WTH!!!! You were there, in that lane, didn’t they bother looking? At work there is drama happening and you hear through the grapevine that someone you thought was a friend is having a good old gossip about you, and it’s not very pleasant. The work day trudges along and Maria from accounting comes bouncing up to tell you how her latest fling is taking her to Cuba for 2 weeks, yet you can’t get your husband to go to the next State. Traffic is bad on the drive home and you swear, curse and beat yourself up about life in general. You didn’t pitch your very cool idea at the office meeting, you allowed yourself to be talked over…….

You get home to find that your darling family (who’s been home for a few hours now) are all just lounging around, or are out, the house is a mess and no one has bothered to open the fridge and think “What should we have for dinner.” You cook dinner, your youngest is in a foul mood and apparently feels it’s all your fault so most certainly acts out, you have to heckle the kids to do their homework and then you receive an email from work that asks for yet another thing that wasn’t meant to be happening for 2 more weeks and finally after everyone else has been tended you fall into bed exhausted.

So no resentments, no anger, no self attack?

If you can say you have none of the above then I should come meet you and you better be sitting under a Bodhi tree and looking uber serene!

So I invite you every night before you close your peepers, make a list of what you forgive, who you forgive and most importantly forgive yourself. Forgive your fears, your shame, your blame and your judgement, forgive the neighbour and their yappy dog that barks at 5am. Come back to the place of loving and appreciating yourself. The reality is you are awesome and you are human, that doesn’t mean you need to spend your time beating yourself up and holding onto anger. The more you forgive those around you and yourself, the more space you create in your life to flourish.

Drinking water or a nice cuppa tea is far better than drinking poison.

When you wish upon a star……..

Jenny Heston · 3:19 pm ·

Eleven years ago, when my youngest was 2, I realised that although I used ritual and manifesting exercises in my life daily I tended to do that alone and not with my kids. So I created a new tradition to teach my kids about releasing, clarity, intention and manifesting.

The first weekend after New Years became our family new year’s celebration. It is a celebration which calls to all of us to release, get clear, focused and start a fresh.

As the skies start to darken in the late afternoon a feast is prepared and put on to gently burble away. Whilst it cooks we all gather in the living room with pieces of blank paper and pencils. Candles are lit, calming music is playing and the space is set. We each snuggle up into our corner and write (for the little ones that aren’t at that place yet, they draw).

What do we write?

Whatever we want to release personally, within a family structure, within our community and globally; some of us scribble away like mad fiends, others have less to write. But it’s all about letting go of habits, beliefs, behaviours, thoughts; ways of being that no longer serve.

We don’t share these things, these are deep and dark and private. It’s interesting to see how people fold their lists or what they turn them into when they are finished; everything from paper aeroplanes to pom-pom’s, to flowers. When everyone is done we don our coats and boots and go outside into the snow and the dark and set those gorgeous lists on fire. As the paper ignites the sparks get whipped up into the air, taking with it any residue or baggage and gently blowing it away.

The light and the warmth of the house beckon and when everything is burned to a crisp and released we all scurry inside and peel off our layers. The music changes and there are large stars cut out of Bristol Board. There are pens, crayons, glitter, shiny things, paints – you name it, all waiting to be used and to bedeck a star. Then whether it is with words, pictures or phrases you take the time to decorate your star as to what you would like to create/be/manifest/do in the upcoming year. It’s so fun to see what comes out for each person.

The intentions are set, the desires are launched like massive rockets and laughter abounds.

When the stars are finished we share them, we don’t need to explain them, just share. There are no questions; there is no judgement, after all each of these are personal. Then when the tidy up is completed and glitter has been wiped away we all sit around a gorgeously laid table and share in a wonderful feast and the stars get placed on the kitchen wall so that every day we can read them, look at them and think – YES!

We have carried on with this tradition now for 11 years, and some of the stars have become more complex and some have become simpler. Some years the decorating of them seems to take hours and other years it is more a case of pouring out the yearnings, desires, intentions and goals in written words all over the star.

This year we did our stars on the weekend and one of the boys asked if I kept the ones from the prior year. I have kept them all. So I went and dug through a box and hauled them all out, the kids were amazed to find that a lot of their wishes, visions and desires from a year or so ago had all happened. They had created and manifested the intentions and wishes they had written on their stars.

It made me laugh and think of the song that Jiminy Cricket sang to Pinocchio – When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you. When you wish upon a star your dreams come true.

10 Lessons from the Garden.

Jenny Heston · 4:32 pm ·

I hated gardening as a kid. Hated it with a passion. I would be given a tiny square of the garden and a plethora of seeds and advised heavily on how to plant them, what they needed etc. Daily I would be told to go water them and tend them – urrrghhh. Why did my parents hate me so much!!! Then the weeds came and I would be forced to go pull them out. I didn’t want to as I didn’t want to be there, I had friends to play with, stuff to do and meh! So the weeds would take over the radishes, nasturtiums or whatever I had planted and I was totally okay with that..

Interestingly enough when I became a mumma, as my kids hit about 3 I would encourage them to come out to the garden, play in the dirt, eat worms, plant something. Some most certainly came and played and others resisted highly, so I didn’t push it. I would throw manure, dirt, straw and compost into a bed and some of the kids would dive in and swim in it all and mix it up for me. Others would run screaming back into the house!

As an adult I love to garden. I love to grow our own food so we always have a massive veggie garden wherever we go. We have certain flowers that we really enjoy looking at and their scent fills the air when we are sitting outside and eating dinner, and having a fresh herb garden to enhance my cooking (did I say cooking is not my forte?) – hells to the yes!

Dirt is soothing. When stressed – playing in the dirt and tending a garden helps to reconnect you back to your body, pulls you out of your head and connects you to the the glorious mother earth. In a study in the Netherlands (as reported by CNN), two groups of students were told to either read indoors or garden for thirty minutes AFTER completing a stressful task. The group that gardened reported being in a better mood than the group that read. And they also exhibited lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Plants don’t judge! Sometimes we need to share our fears, stories, embarrassments or hopes and desires with someone, just to unpack them and say them outloud. Make sure you pick someone who can really hear you, honour you and not ridicule you. If you don’t have someone safe to do that with talk to the plants.

Deadhead. When the flowers are done, it’s important to either trim them back or just remove their heads. This in turn tidies up the garden and allows for some varieties of flowers to rebloom. This is like de-cluttering your space. If your home, office, studio are in chaos then your mind is often in chaos, you can’t find things, you open the door and get overwhelmed by the mess (so you quickly close the door). Tidying your space and putting things where they are meant to be as well as getting rid of the things that you don’t use any more creates huge physical, emotional and mental space for new and vibrant things to come in.

Weeds. They creep in and if you ignore them they take over everything choking out the flowers, the tomatoes, wrapping themselves up the corn stalks, and where you thought you were going to have beans – you just have weeds! This is like stinky thinking. If you don’t pay attention to your thoughts and limiting beliefs and weed them out regularly with mindful practices your mind can become like a weed choked garden – green, but not productive, and not very pretty!

Sometimes a plant needs to be moved as it isn’t thriving and growing, due to lack of light or nutrients in the the soil, or it’s getting crowded out by something else. This is the same with relationships, some are nourishing and some aren’t and for your own well being sometimes you just need to smile, say thanks and move on to where you can thrive and grow.

If you have a single fruit tree, bees help. They don’t care where the tree is, their job is to pollinate and this in turn serves by helping that tree produce fruit. You may feel that you are all on your own, but in reality if you stepped out the door and went and volunteered somewhere, or went and helped someone else you would find that you are fully supported and can produce fruit from your time and labour. Be the Bee!

The weather can do a lot to help plants grow, but plants also need love, attention, nutrition and fertiliser. Like humans! We need healthy food, water, love, attention, activities that nourish us, and a spiritual practice that feed us. With these things we flourish, bloom and grow in extraordinary ways.

So you planted a seed, what’s the first thing to come up? Dirt! Dirt gets pushed up and out of the way as the sprout grows and reaches toward the sun. This is the same as when we implement something new in our lives, whether it is a mindset change, a new way of eating, going to the gym, trying something new, releasing an old habit – you name it. The Ego kicks up front and centre and will try to convince you this is a dumb idea, but if you just see it as the dirt coming up before that lovely new habit pushes through and throws down strong roots, you are all good.

There are always bugs, one moment you are sitting in your garden feeling very zen and happy and then something flies into your ear or up your nose – don’t freak out (though a bug up the nose is very annoying) – just remove it and carry on. Don’t make that “5 minutes of bug up the nose” an all day event, or an excuse. Someone says something critical or rude to you – pick it out of your nose and let it go. Don’t spend the whole day obsessing about it and wallowing in the things you could have said, what did they mean exactly etc. etc.

Creating a gorgeous garden can take longer than you think – don’t judge it, map it out, stay focused, give it attention, be patient and slowly do it. Like life. If you want to be a top athlete, play the bagpipes, be a world renowned speaker, it takes time, attention and patience. But the daily results and the masterpiece are so frigging worth it.

Happy Gardening.

Transformation and a Dogwood tree…

Jenny Heston · 4:55 pm ·

I don’t know about you but the word Transform or the phrase “This person experienced a transformation” seem to be popping up a lot lately. Me being me I used to be open to this concept but also a tad skeptical. Can someone really transform? Can that really happen?

So a little story for you. Grab a cuppa tea and let’s chat.

18 years ago my Dad died suddenly and in his honour I bought a Dogwood tree, as that was his favourite tree, and fairly much daily he and I would go explore and hike with dogs together. I put his ashes under the tree and planted it with great care and surrounded it with all the herbs and flowers he loved.

5 years after that my youngest was born. So in his honour and celebration I bought a plum tree and put the placenta underneath it when it was planted. Both trees grew happily, healthily and strongly until the goats got out. Now if you don’t know anything about goats, they will eat almost anything! In fact I have seen them eat tin cans and tires!

Thus, one day the goats busted out of their pen when no one was around and they did an amazing job on the dogwood and turned it into a small stump and then proceeded to have a good nibble on the plum tree. I carefully bandaged up the dogwood and the plum with hockey tape (as that was all I had), gave them lots of nutrients and hoped for the best.

11 years ago I moved from that property after an abusive marriage and there was no way I was going to leave those trees there. So I dug up the dogwood and all the dirt around it and under it, I also dug up the plum tree, wrapped its roots and soil in a sheet and took them both with me, along with my belongings and my kids. At our new home the kids and I dug a great big hole, and as I looked at this stump of a dogwood tree I decided it would be best to chop it up and put it and all its dirt into the hole and plant the plum tree on top. Which is what we did.

5 years later I noticed that the plum tree leaves were changing and no longer was it producing a gorgeous little plum or two. Odd. I took a good look at the leaves and couldn’t figure out what was happening to them – okay this is odd.

Very odd.

Over the next 4 years there were no plums, the leaves were totally different and there were no blossoms at all, but there was a sense of transformation. Then last year for the first time it blossomed, just a few mindst you. Whoot, whoot, plums again.

No.

The blooms were gorgeous but they were a dogwood flower! Excuse me? How, Why, What? I had and still have no clue.

Today, I walked outside and it was as if the tree exploded!

There are over 200 blooms on it and they are all dogwood flowers which have now become one of my most favourite flowers.

So if you ever doubt the capacity to transform, remember this tree.

If you ever doubt your strength to hold your center and BE, remember this tree (after all it was cut up and in a hole).

If you ever doubt your ability to blossom and thrive against all odds, remember this tree.

Happy transforming!

Thoughts

jennyheston

Release Anxiety And Claim Your Power