Betrayal, Boundaries, Intuition and Pragmatic Progress.

Happy Miraculous, Misty, Melodious, Musical, Magnificent, Manifesting March Monday!

Whoot, the first Monday of March, and did you remember to say “White Rabbits” on Friday?

So I will give you a heads up. We are talking about some deep, slightly intense things as well as the March energy and what it offers you.  Why?

The reason being I have been mulling over how to write this reading and have been given kicks in the arse over and over again this week to be fully transparent: is my writing, business and life are all intertwined and are who I am.  I have no choice.  

So let’s talk about betrayal.

Have you ever felt betrayed, been betrayed or betrayed someone else?

I will say as a therapist, betrayal either of one’s self, done to you by someone else, or you doing it to someone else is one of the deepest wounds. 

We talk about the witch wound, the mother wound, the sister wound, but betrayal is genderless, and it’s ugly, unpleasant to say the least and can leave you feeling in complete turmoil and stirs up all sorts of grief, shame, and blame.

There is even such a thing as Betrayal Trauma!

But what is Betrayal?  Betrayal is to do with destroying trust and in layman’s terms – shafting someone and can often come from misrepresentation (thus deception), gaslighting and various other ways.  

Why am I bringing this up?

As you know I have been germinating, creating, planning and birthing a glorious new project for years (actually there are 3 of them and 2 more burbling up)!  

Someone that I have known for years, and I considered a friend as well as a colleague kept wanting to participate.  So why not?

This is where Boundaries and Intuition come in.

As much as I cared for this person and valued some of their skill set, I didn’t fully trust them.  

There was no “logical” reason, other than for some reason they wanted to be added as an admin to all the groups and programmes I was doing.  (That should have been a red flag.)

So over the last 4 years I had made excuses not to participate in things together that would have my name and reputation attached to them, as there was that niggle, that -hmmmmm feeling.  

This time I overrode it.  I will never, ever make that mistake again.

I had other colleagues, friends continually say – amazing creation, but this person doesn’t smell right.  Guess what?  Deep in my soul I knew it and overrode it. 

I even had my guides say it and I overrode it.  

Even when things were presented as “helping” (but actually it meant control), and I would speak to it.  The response didn’t go well, so to placate I made my boundaries too fluid, as after all this was a friend, right?    

Bad plan.  

Well you can guess what happened, I don’t need to go into the gory details, but needless to say it went sideways.  And in a big fucking way! Like a huge way and things that were mine, were no longer mine.  

And the fun piece was this all happened just after the Virgo Full Moon which holds the energy of purging, clearing from the inside out and listening to our hearts, body, minds, and souls. (You seriously can’t make this shit up!)

So yes, I went through shock, betrayal, the disregulated nervous system, feeling pig sick and “oh fuck”, all of the many and varied responses to a betrayal. 

But to be honest the bottom line was I felt so frigging stupid and angry with myself for not honouring my boundaries and intuition, (and as I found out later – being played.)  

Then I was handed a lifeline.  Two other women who had experienced the same thing reached out to me and shared their experiences, which were the same.  One shared with me that for the last four years this person had wanted to do a collaboration as they wanted my audience.

Parasitic was the word that was used.    

So why am I sharing this with you?

If you have ever experienced betrayal I want you to know it’s not you, it’s them.  

In my field of work, one of the worst forms of an abuser is a victim – as they won’t own their piece and everything is personal for them.  

So it’s important to talk to people, feel your feelings, disconnect from the person or situation, love the fuck out of yourself, forgive yourself, and be uber kind to yourself.  (Those are just a few of the things you can do).  

So I am dusting my bruised soul off, loving the crap out of myself and sending this delightful individual tons of blessings – as I know my value, worth and work, and I feel sad for them, and wish them well.  

And for all you gorgeous people who have expressed an interest in The Numinous Collective, it is happening with the clarity, depth and all the goodness I originally planned. 

So you will hear more about it this week.  

Funnily enough all this bullshit ties into the energy of March which is Pragmatic Progress.

As Lena very kindly shares with us: 

Focus on getting as emotionally and intuitively as clear as possible about what you want for your future. Sometimes it is easier to contemplate what you don’t want and set boundaries against manifesting the same old thing. 

Along with the positive and forward movement, there is a foggy, hazy influence that can be supportive in dissolving an attachment you may still have to an old pattern. It can also support your creativity and imagination to dream a bit outside the box and envision your future in ways you were reluctant to do in the past.

Okay, I have talked enough.  And if you have actually read this far – please know how much I appreciate you and am so glad you are part of my community!

Let’s crack on with the reading.  

When I went to the guides and asked who wanted to come out – there was a BooYah moment as these gorgeous ones are all about Sovereignty, honesty and authenticity.  Right now, right this minute, please embrace all the inhabitants of your inner realm, because each deserves respect and a place at the table.  Even the unruly, the inconvenient, the ugly.

When your intent is to create rather than compete, you don’t have to dominate.  Your influence is enough.

This is power with rather than power over.  

Invite in all the pieces of yourself, all the things that are bothering you today and wrap them in the blanket of inclusion and assert your authority.  

So darling one I invite you to just breathe and think about your own boundaries and intuition.  How are they?  Are they healthy, strong and pliable?  Do they need a wee bit of tending like a glorious garden fence?  With that energy swirling I invite you to breathe and then pick the card or cards that resonate for you at this moment, with this forward moving energy of March and trust.  

Did you remember to pick?

Let’s go have a look shall we?

PSYCHE

Nobody runs into the arms of change with mad passionate delight yelling, “Pick me! Pick me!”

And yet, without change, there is no growth.  And since no growth comes from comfort, you might as well get used to being uncomfortable.

The caterpillar has a complete meltdown, literally, inside its chrysalis.  The cells of that mushy substance, known as imago cells, are no longer caterpillar cells but they are not yet butterfly cells.  

You might say imago cells represent a third creature, one that doesn’t know what it is yet, one that is unbecoming and becoming at the same time, carrying the image (imago) of what it might yet be when it emerges.

Please get comfortable in your chrysalis, and make friends with not knowing.  This is the only place where your new wings are grown, along with the new image of what you can be in the world.

It’s okay to not know.  In fact, it’s glorious.

Embrace the messy mush of cells your current reality has gifted you.  

Somewhere between unbecoming and becoming, your wings are growing, and the imago containing who you can be is embracing its colour, radiance and vitality ! 

SISTERHOOD OF RECIPROCITY

Tend to your partnerships.  

This could be a time to review or negotiate business, renew romance or friendship, or nurture the very partnership you have with your own soul.  

Much of our world suffers from a lack of understanding what our ancestors knew so well: all life is dependent on the generosity of our planet.  There is no thriving without her good graces for food, water, shelter and beauty, and we’d do well to remember it with reciprocity.

Is it time to share?  Celebrate her bounty?  Give back to her resources?  To your relationships or communities?

Long ago we honoured the lack of resources in the winter season with hopeful light-giving ceremonies.  We celebrated the harvest with offerings and gratitude.  We marked each season, each birth, death and love affair by honouring our Earth Mother as benefactress.

Carry this practice forward, know that all parts of your life are interdependent with the elements, creatures and plants of the earth, the same way that your healthy psyche relies on all parts working together.  

Balance your genius with  your shadow.  Reconcile love with fear.  Strike a balance between logic and emotion.  

All parts of your life that you are proud of must dance with those monstrous parts you fear in order to experience a bountiful, creative life.

Take stock of where you are entwined in a healthy partnership, and where you are not.  

This is a time for tending the dance of reciprocity.  

THE LION QUEEN

Check your boundaries.

Are they crafted securely to honour your sovereignty?  

To uplift and support your values and enhance your own sense of inherent value?

Or are they softly drawn, slipping loose to accommodate others’ needs and wants before your own?  Are they aligned with sacrifice?  Selflessness?  Compliancy?

Are you protecting your good girl image by caretaking the needs of others?  Or are you protecting your precious life force by giving others an opportunity to develop their own sovereignty by saying “no”?

You know you can’t let what’s urgent get in the way of what’s important.  

Your deep inner life is the source from which all your creativity, intimacy and relationships flow, so protect both your energy and integrity by drawing a circle around your creative time, your quiet time, and whatever space – internal and external – that imbues you with a sense of belonging.

Now is the time to get fierce with your boundaries.

You are worth it!

Oh my fucking goddess!  You seriously can’t make this shit up.  What amazing guides as we step into March, dancing with boundaries, intuition, releasing betrayal and moving into the place of Pragmatic Progress!  Whoot!  

Have a stupendous week.  Always, always, always please remind yourself of your sovereignty, your boundaries, your delicious kind heart and shake the shit off!