Trust Yourself

Happy Merry, Marvellous, Magickal, Mysterious, Majestic, Manifesting Monday!

Holy Hannah, it feels like a hot minute since we last communicated and it has been and here we are in September!  And lo and behold the energy of September is Recapitulation – Release! Then toss on the energy of this New Moon which is change!

I will give you a heads up, this is a rather long post – so if that doesn’t interest you – skip to the cards.  

So as you all know, I took the month of August to step back, work on some amazing creative projects, design two new courses, spend time with my British family who were bringing my sister’s ashes over so we could scatter them together and I kept saying out loud “And feel all the feels!”

Little did I realise what that would mean and how much I would make the Goddess laugh by telling her my carefully manicured plans.  

Nor, how she would show me exactly the depths she wanted me to excavate and release, as she created the perfect storm that I couldn’t run from!  Gulp!

The last weekend of July is what I call my Fi (sister) weekend, as on the 28th was her birthday and on the 31st was when she took her last breath.  So it’s a lovely, but vulnerable place to dance in, to feel, to remember, to laugh and to cry.

During that weekend two incredibly unpleasant things happened, one with the two remaining family of origin members and one with a close friend.  Okay, I can suck those up (as I have big shoulders), but unbeknownst to me it started creating the perfect storm in my body and my mind.

August 1st I sat down with all my coloured pens and pencils and mapped out my whole month.  The courses, the creations, the book outline, the writing, the family time and the ceremony – you name it, as I like to be organised and have a plan (little did I know the Goddess was laughing her fucking soxs off whilst she watched!)

The next day with my glorious mapped out calendar next to me, I woke up in a full state of panic!  No rhyme, no reason, but pure panic.  I don’t mean panic attack, as an attack subsides, I mean a pure state of unadulterated panic that wouldn’t let up, wouldn’t calm down and my heart rate was about 160 bpm, and in the process threw my heart out of rhythm.  In other words it threw my heart into Atrial fibrillation (which I didn’t know at the time).

This went on for 9 days and brought me to my knees, literally and figuratively.  

I became like a T Rex – don’t look at me, don’t touch me, don’t talk to me and everything was too loud, too bright and too sharp.  

I was running from the panic and watching my life become smaller and smaller as all the things I loved to do – being out in nature, walking the doggos, sitting and writing were impossible. I thought I was losing my frigging mind, but boy oh boy, I was feeling all the feels! 

As someone who has worked in the therapy field and spiritual field for years, I had an incredible tool box and I was using every single tool I could think of.  Vagus nerve work, tapping, supplements, prayer, meditation, you name it I tried it.  Nothing.  Nadda.   

I felt so incredibly vulnerable, confused, scared and all the fucking feels! 

It was only when I stopped and turned around and faced the panic and invited in the wisdom and the lessons, which meant peeling the onion back down to the core and looking at my family of origin.  Then writing for 5 hours straight and pouring it all out, crying non stop  with snot bubbles everywhere and seeing the old, old, old trauma that had been activated that things started to calm somewhat and by the next day my heart had gone back into rhythm.  

But yet there were more ECG’s, blood work (none of which I am a fan of) and doctors telling me “how do you know it’s gone back into rhythm?”  Mmmm, because I am in this fucking body!

I am a firm believer in “our issues are in our tissues”, and we hold things we don’t remember or have chosen to suppress until the body says – no, we need to release this piece.  And then there’s no choice. 

I’m also a firm believer that we hold old, old traumas deep inside and when the perfect storm is created they come out with a vengeance as they need to be acknowledged, seen, listened to and loved.  

You may disagree with this, and that’s okay.  

Why am I sharing this with you?

I believe we all experience things that bring us to our knees and facing them, talking about them is important.  Realising we aren’t alone is vital in this world.   Asking for help is important and sharing is important, it builds relationships, connections and community with depth, vulnerability and strength.  

So many lessons have come out of August, with this experience, the ceremony for my sister’s ashes, having all my plans side railed.  But you know what – they are all deep, rich, glorious lessons that have me in change mode!  Changing my work, how I work, my life, relationships and disconnecting from my family of origin.  

Plus with the energy of September being Recapitulation – Release, it’s the perfect time!

So let’s Lena share what that phrase actually means, shall we?

“Recapitulation is a recapture, remembrance, and retelling of experiences, choices, actions and relationships from the past in order to digest, neutralise and file them away without any residual emotional charge. The release is the act of letting go of any attachment to the emotional content of the past event or memory. 

This includes nostalgic reminiscences of “good times” as well as reminders of traumatic or uncomfortable experiences we would rather forget. What is being recapitulated usually holds some degree of judgement or comparison, with the attachment to how we have defined it holding the memory hostage until it is released with a good deep sigh into neutral territory.

Why is this coming up now? We are in major preparation (and have been for a while) for a time marked by a crisis that could initiate a turning point where choices and decisions have a long lasting and powerful influence over our spiritual and emotional evolution. Part of this preparation is to go inward to reflect on where we have been and where we wish to go. This process is being supported by material from the past flowing through our conscious and unconscious fields much like snippets from a film, a frame here and a frame there. In order to move forward we need to deal with the past.”

We have the Virgo New Moon arriving on September 14th (Thursday) and we also have 6 planets in retrograde.  So if you have been feeling a tad stuck in the mud or that certain situations are at a standstill, don’t fret!

This New Moon prepares us for Change!

This Virgo New Moon is the last before the Equinox and before Eclipse Season begins, which means it sets the foundation for the changes that are destined to come. While we will still very much feel the stagnation from all the retrograde activity, this New Moon acts as a turning point, lighting a path to help release us from the old.

Virgo is a grounded earth sign that is represented by the Virgin Goddess, which is a symbol of wholeness, inner divinity, and sovereignty. 

The Virgin Goddess that rules Virgo is not attached to anyone, in charge of her own life, and fully connected to the divine power that lives within her.

We can use the energies of the Virgin Goddess to guide us through this New Moon time, and to remind ourselves that everything we need is within. No matter what happens, the Virgin Goddess knows she will be ok. She knows that she will find the strength, wisdom, and knowledge to move through whatever comes her way.

So with all that being said, let’s carry on with the reading shall we?

Take a glorious deep breath out, let all the stale old air just leave your body and at the end of your exhale hold for the count of 3.  Now take a deep breath in and as you fill yourself with this glorious prana energy, invite in the energy of change and release.  Let it swirl through your cells and into your heart space.

Then when you are ready, pick the card or cards that tug or entice you.

Did you remember to pick?

Come have a look.

ACCOUNTABILITY

When we take responsibility for our choices, we gain integrity and the right relationship with ourselves.  Optimally, our decisions are conscious ones made with consideration for the likely consequences for all involved.  However, this is not always the case.

In life, we learn as we go.  As we become aware of a more beneficial way to handle ourselves, others and life, we do so accordingly.  We maximise our chances of this when we remain open to addressing any damage or ill feelings that arise toward ourselves and others.  

The refusal to acknowledge our flaws and imperfections that show up in moments of poor discernment and behaviour thwarts our growth and inner harmony.  

Life gets easier and infinitely more beautiful and warm, the second we accept that we – like everyone else – are humanly imperfect and that this is perfectly acceptable.  

The things we wish we had not done or had approached differently are gifts.

They are necessary for learning how to do things differently going forward.  They are also what make us increasingly compassionate and understanding of others and their actions.  We are not our mistake but what we do with them.  All of our past choices can be used to help us grow into the truth of ourselves.

They help us identify what is aligned with our Spirit Self in the less obvious places.  

Accountability is an act of self-love, compassion, and acceptance that benefits all.  However, the most important person to be accountable to is yourself.  It can be helpful to develop the habit of checking in with  yourself each day by asking:  What am I doing and why?  Is this aligned with my values and Spirit Self? If so, proceed.  If not, ask yourself: Is there another way, a way that feels good and true for me to continue, or does this behaviour, thinking, situation, or person need to go?  Do I need the perspective of someone who knows better and is more experienced in this area?

When you are accountable, you stand empowered, confident, and with integrity.  

BROKEN DREAMS

We break our dreams when we cease to believe in them and ourselves.

Our attitude toward disappointment, perceived failures, and rejection has the power to derail our confidence.  When a prolonged state of defeat and doubt ensues, we not only give up on our dreams and ourselves but also on what makes us feel alive.

It can be hard, but we need to trust that the way to realise our dreams is by persisting and working with the disappointments as well as any perceived failures or rejections.  Perceived setbacks are often opportunities to learn to think differently, to develop further, and to explore new ways of realising our vision.  

When we interpret, and therefore turn, challenges into actual setbacks, it can feel like the world has rejected us.  In response to this feeling, we give up too soon.

The world does not reject us.  It cannot.  Of course, it may feel like it does, but what is more likely to have transpired is that certain individuals, organisations, and opportunities have said no to us for one thing at one point in time.

The world is full of many more individuals, organisations and opportunities if we continue to say yes to ourselves.

To abandon your dreams is to abandon yourself.  There is no need for this.  Explore ways of doing what you love differently.  Being flexible with the way that you go about realising your vision will save you from much unnecessary heartache, regret, lost time, and despair.

Do what makes you feel alive in your life. 

Never lose sight of what lights you up and makes your Spirit Self sing.  No matter what.  

CIRCLES

Our thoughts, emotions, behaviours and relationship patterns are potentially detrimentally circular when they remain unconscious.

Without acknowledging that we do not know what we are doing or how to get different results, it seems as though the same disappointments, ruts, and detours keep happening to us.  This is because we do not realise our subconscious part in these unwanted reoccurrences.  Nor that we have the power to exit the unmerry-go-round.

If we do nothing different, nothing different happens.  We will only continue to re-enact our default setting automatically.  A life lived in circles inevitably limits what is possible for us.

It can also be particularly harmful when toxic relationships, addiction, or financial dependence is involved.  Awareness of how we perpetuate more of the same is necessary before we can consciously create an upward and outward spiral of life for ourselves.  

Circles that spiral downward are the effects of unconscious repetition and confusion.  In this sense, we are the ones who prohibit us from venturing forth upon new ground.  To acknowledge that we do not know what to do about something, we begin to see with increasing clarity, logic, desires and emotions what is confusing and therefore prohibiting us.

Once we can see things for what they are, we can recognise what we can do about them.

There is always more than one way out of any circle.  You are ready to be free and go forth.

Focus your attention on who you are without the loops, fears, distractions, and preoccupations.  

In other words, focus on who you would be and what you would do without the problems, drama, impossible lifestyle, or comfort zone you may be circling.

You are your white horse, ever equipped to venture forward.  

Wowzer!  Those are some deliciously potent messages for this month and this New Moon.

Sending you big hugs and squeezes and yes, there will be an Equinox guide coming out later this week.  Be kind to yourself, be true to yourself, be honest with yourself.