As I wrote that title I envisioned Tina Turner belting out her song by the same name, loud and proud! So let me ask you – what does that song by Tina Turner and Charlie Chaplin have to do with Love? Stick with me and let’s go find out.
With it being Valentine’s Day I thought I would turn my hand to writing about love. Ahhhh, Love. The emotion that can make sane people crazy, and those without it feel lost.
“Sanskrit has 96 words for love; ancient Persian has 80, Greek three, and English only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling. Eskimos have 30 words for snow, because it is a life-and-death matter to them to have exact information about the element they live with so intimately. If we had a vocabulary of 30 words for love … we would immediately be richer and more intelligent in this human element so close to our heart. An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow; we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love. Of all the Western languages, English may be the most lacking when it comes to feeling.” – Robert Johnson, The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden
It’s so true. The I love you that I say to my kids as I hug them or push back the hair from their foreheads as I kiss them goodnight is very different to the I love you that I tell my gorgeous furry friends as I pet them. The I love you that I say to my soul sisters, who have watched me go to pieces, picked me up and dusted me off, is very different to the I love you that I say to my elderly mother who forgets that we have talked. All of these are gorgeous and I feel blessed, but more importantly is the I love you that I say to myself. Isn’t it selfish to love yourself, shouldn’t you come last on the list and everyone and everything before you? Hell No!
I spent many years not loving myself as I had been indoctrinated by my mother not to and I had fully bought into the story that to do so was narcissistic, selfish, ego centric – this in turn led to making some bad choices in relationships, allowing others to define my worth, allowing others and myself to diminish and hurt me and saying things to myself that I would NEVER say to another human being as they were too cruel, unkind and vile. Thankfully, I have learned differently, I have learned that first and foremost it is vital (yes, I did use that word) to love myself. As the more I love myself the more I can love, help, support and serve others and really show up as ME.
Think of it this way if you will – a piggy bank. There sits an empty piggy bank and daily you start to drop your change into it, now this change doesn’t come in coin form, it comes in gratitude, appreciation, valuing your effort, saying kind things to yourself, kicking the frigging gremlins out of your head or giving them a different project to do to occupy them. Soon your piggy bank is overflowing and you feel frigging amazing. Situations can happen but you realise that yup, that situation may have sucked, you may have messed up but you are still worthy, loveable and valued. You no longer offer yourself up as the victim or the sacrificial lamb for others or your own inner critics to punt around. Instead you own it, learn from it (and sometime in the future will laugh about it) and release it.
So as I was thrilled to come across this poem by Charlie Chaplin. Now if you don’t know who Charlie Chaplin was he was born in 1889 and was a silent film actor/comedian from about 1920 to 1950 and he was iconic for his mustache and his bowler hat. He died 40 years ago. Now this poem really speaks to what self love is and what it isn’t.
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”
Wishing you a fabulous Valentine’s Day and please remember to do something nice for yourself every day, as you are the only you there is.
