Thoughts

Beannacht

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

~ John O’Donohue ~

Ode to My Gorgeous Gal – R.I.P Uma

Jenny Heston · 4:41 pm ·

Uma, my gorgeous gal, the one that has walked so many different paths with me and has always been there, the dog of my heart. I got her as a rescue dog and drove to Trail to bring her and the whole litter home to foster them. 13 years ago I had lost my golden lab Maia to mouth cancer and my black lab Rudolph was bereft, he had never been alone, he had always had Maia. Thus, I thought it was a great plan to foster some puppies to see if that helped him. He hated them, actually he hated all of them except Uma. So the others found their forever homes somewhere else and Uma came to our forever home.

She was such a brilliant dog, sharp, bright and so incredibly loving without being a slobbery git. She came camping, travelling, exploring and fairly much anywhere I could take her. In the woods she was always the one that stayed close whilst the male dogs cavorted amongst the trees. She was the one that the minute she heard me go to bed, I could hear her on the stairs flumping down after me to hop up on the bed and curl up on the bottom left hand corner. When I went to Victoria to help Dee (my mother), she kept me sane – when Dee would kick off Uma and I would walk and I would chant. One day between the myriad of walks I realised we had done 25 km. She has flown with me, hiked with me and when I haven’t been feeling well she was always there on the corner of the bed looking at me and checking in.

In the mornings I would get up and go to the kitchen and the minute she heard the toaster pop down and the frying pan go on, voila up she would get to hang out and see if there were any scraps going.

So it’s been a heck of a week. A week ago today was Chinese New Year, where we entered the Year of the Male Earth Dog. We had a glorious celebration and Uma and the other two bounded around excited to see all the people and snag some tidbits of beef, lemon chicken or salmon. Saturday as it started to snow and snow and snow some more we went for a glorious walk and as usual she explored but always came back to check in with me and then dash off to cavort with the other dogs.

On Monday even though it was chilly, the sky was blue and the sun bright and brilliant – quite a gorgeous day so I rejigged my schedule so I could take the doggos out for a glorious romp with my friend Christine and her dog. There was so much snowy expanse to run, play and frolic – as well as trees to dash behind and hide whilst waiting for another dog to run by, but she didn’t play. The others all did, but she didn’t cavort, she stayed right to my heel and seemed to be slower and the walk not so enjoyable for her. By Monday night I knew she wasn’t feeling well.

Tuesday, she was worse, stairs were becoming a problem and she wouldn’t eat (which was highly unusual for her). Wednesday it was even more prevalent and she would look at me with eyes that saw but didn’t really, and large strings of drool hanging from her mouth. I also noticed the two other male dogs were exceptionally gentle around her and they would cry, which they never do. In my head she was going to be fine, it was all good and it would be something simple. So off to the vet we went. First diagnosis was Pneumonia. Sweet! We can deal with that right? Some antibiotics, rest, lots of water and she will be right as rain and ready for another glorious adventure.

The vet ran blood tests and did a chest x-ray and you know there is something more when the Vet goes out to get a chair so she can sit next to you. Well the blood tests didn’t come out well, she had no white blood cells and a massive secondary infection.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. There were two things, either she had a tick borne virus or it was bone marrow cancer. The first one could be dealt with by antibiotics, the other one – nadda. Another test was run to see if it was tick borne, and whilst that was happening I walked in the wind and the bleak grey cold along the dog beach looking at all the other dogs and allowing tears to freeze on my cheeks. Come on Jen, think positive, it’s all going to be good. Back to the Vets and nope, not a tick borne virus – bone marrow cancer. However, give her antibiotics will deal with the secondary infection and she can rally and you have another year. FUCK!

I took my gorgeous girl home, snuggled her, cried and told her how much she was loved. My heart felt so incredibly sad and heavy. The next day I cleared my schedule and hung out with her, I poached chicken, baked salmon – cooked beef liver to try to entice her to eat. Nadda. My gorgeous girl normally would follow me around the house when I was home and she tried valiantly – but she couldn’t. She fell down the stairs, she would stand and wobble and look at me and I kept whispering to her “You are so loved, you are the bestest dog ever and if you need to leave I will miss you like a piece of my being has been taken, if you can rally – I would love that to pieces.”

That night I wrapped her in a gorgeous clean blankie, just for her and took her to bed. As I watched her I wondered if she would be there in the morning, and guess what? She was!

I was so excited!!! She’s going to be okay! More antibiotics down her throat (which she hated) and I had to go meet with clients and do some work, so my son stayed with her as I didn’t want her to be alone at all. When I got home in the early afternoon I bounded up the stairs looking for her, she was lying next to the water dish in the kitchen and it took all her energy to lift up her head and look at me. My legs melted and I sat on the floor next to her and sobbed. Uma, Puma – you need to go don’t you? Fuck! I have to be the adult and make that choice for you. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

2pm the Vet was phoned. 3:30 found my son and I walking into the vets with her wrapped up in her special blankie. Multiple visits from various technicians trying to amp up the price – for just a little more you can do this…… Seriously people, you have had over $1,000 in 2 days, can you please back away? We stroked her, told her gorgeous stories as the first sleepy injection went in. I took her collar off and told her she was free to leave, that it was okay – she had been such an amazing protector and friend, but it was okay to rest and release. The second injection went in and at 3:59 she passed. I stroked her and then she coughed and expelled air. But Uma was gone, it was just the body expelling air, which she did 3 times. Have to say scared the heck out of me at first.

As the ground is frozen solid here there is no where to bury her, so I had to leave her behind to be cremated. But as I watched her head loll I knew she wasn’t here anymore. I got home and sat. Just kind of numb and bleak and then randomly there was a moth. Ummm, excuse me, it’s a bazillion degrees cold outside, how the heck did you get here. It kept bopping around my head and part of me wanted to crush it between my palms. But hang on, moths and butterflies are all about transformation. Hmmmm, so I let her dance around me for a while and then after an hour or so, she just seemed to vanish. Was that Uma coming to say goodbye and that she was safe? I don’t know, but it did make me feel good.

Do I feel her here? You bet. Was last night tough to not see her on the left corner of the bed – hell yes. This morning when I went outside with my tea and the toaster had been popped down I could hear scratching at the door, so I opened it and a ghost came out. Five days, I wasn’t ready for this to be honest.

New Moon in Aquarius with a Partial Solar Eclipse and how to make your wishes count!

Jenny Heston · 4:58 pm ·

Well January was certainly a month of releasing, letting go, dredging things up from the past and purging them out, even more so as we had two Full Moons and a lunar eclipse!

Eclipse time brings up buried emotions, old stuff and patterning – so if you have been feeling a tad overwhelmed, drained, a bit fragmented – don’t fret – it’s all shifting and changing now.

Remember last week we talked about the theme of this month being UNFOLDING (think of a flower and an openness and expansion), that’s very much the energy of this delicious New Moon in Aquarius and Partial Solar Eclipse. Also, as February doesn’t have a Full Moon in it, there’s even more of an invitation for planting new seeds, creating and expanding into the future. Thus this partial eclipse is a book end to the one we had in January.

“The energy surrounding this Eclipse is the air sign of Aquarius and carries a very gentle, hopeful, and loving energy. All of this newly created space that we have made in our lives since the start of the year is going to be perfectly filled with this loving, abundant, and positive energy from February’s Solar Eclipse.

This Aquarius energy also gets us to start thinking about the bigger picture and focusing on how our actions and words affect those around us. Under the influence of this Solar Eclipse, we are going to have to step away from seeing things through our own perspective and open ourselves up to see things from a higher perspective.

Under this energy, we all have the potential to awaken and to see how our actions, words, and our essence effects the world around us. We may also feel a sense of responsibility in regards to how our attitudes and behaviours are creating a ripple effect around the world. There is an opening or a doorway to higher consciousness through this energy, and the more we can open our minds and hearts, the more likely we are to get a glimpse of true oneness.”

If you are feeling any confusion around relationship or path, use the glorious New Moon energy as your ally to break through this temporary limbo and reconnect with your intentions. New Moons are such an amazing time to to touch in with your intentions to make sure they are still what you want. A new moon is a still point and this one is good one to experience the stillness that aligns right timing.

Taking time for yourself and having a little touchstone ritual on a New Moon doesn’t have to be long and convoluted, it can be exceptionally easy, delightful and extremely powerful. Here is a fun, easy and gentle way to reconnect with your intentions and to make strong New Moon wishes.

New Moon Wishes/Visioning

Supplies needed:-

Pen, or multiple coloured pens, paper (Journal), a candle (any colour will do) and a delicious cuppa tea! (Lol, in my world you should always include tea I have a divine one that is lavender/mint and locally sourced).

Before you start, light a candle and take a moment to feel gratitude for all that’s good in your life.
Put some lovely music on that makes you feel relaxed, special and calm.
Take a few long deep breaths, get comfy in your body and where you are. For me it could be sitting outside (but if it’s frigging cold then I am curled up in the corner of the sofa with a dog on my feet).
Think of the top 10 wishes/intentions for the coming four weeks. Also decide what you are willing to commit to doing, in order to help your wishes manifest.
Then just write. I always start my New Moon wishes with I AM……… as I AM is a very powerful statement to yourself and to the Universe.
Remember, you can’t write wishes for someone else i.e. I AM in a healthy, loving relationship with Doug – the guy at work. Nope. Not allowed.
You can write about being in a healthy, loving relationship with a wonderful male/female who you connect with on every level, but you really can’t wish for someone else. Make sense?
When you have written out your 10 wishes, go back and read them slowly and really, really visualise this as true, and present moment. Feel it, smell it, taste it and smile like a Cheshire Cat.
Then end the ritual by saying outloud “This or something better now manifests for me, under grace in perfect ways and in perfect timing. So must it be.”

Voila! Done. If you have kids and want to share this with them it’s very easy and quite fun. Light a candle, become the secretary and ask each person in your family what their top 3 wishes are, write them down and then come next New Moon review them together – I highly suggest over a delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookie and a mug of tea. Yes?

Enjoy and Happy Visioning!

Imbolc – Simple Hearth Blessing and Cleansing Ritual

Jenny Heston · 8:18 pm ·

Ahhhh, February is here and even though you can feel Spring tickling around the back of your being, often you are looking at snow, rain or something that doesn’t invoke the feeling of creation and expansion. (That’s when I plant a Hyacinth bulb or bring some Forsythia inside to bloom earlier than normal, or just grab a bunch of daffs from the supermarket).

In most areas of the Northern Hemisphere, the month of February can be the coldest time of the year. In fact in my little town we do have a “Coldest Night of the Year” walk to help raise funds and support for housing, homeless people and food for everyone. So February to me invites me to curl up with a good book in the safety of my home and hearth. Which brings us to Imbolc, which is the celebration of the growing light but also all things hearth and most certainly the glorious Celtic hearth and fire goddess, Brigid.

Now I know the phrase “hearth” can be confusing for some people. “But I don’t have a fireplace, I don’t have…..”. Most certainly in days of yore there was a hearth, a fire and when building a home one of the most important stones was the hearthstone, the stone in front of the fire. But we are 2018 and I don’t know that many of us have great big fireplaces and a huge hearthstone to gather around.

However, think about it – you have a gathering at your home, food, games, friends – and where do people mainly hang out? I am guessing the kitchen – yes? I have had to shoo people out of the kitchen so that I can move around quickly and efficiently so that we all get fed, but yet, they all dribble back to that place. So if you have a stove, a kitchen and prepare food for loved ones and yourself that can be considered a hearth. Maybe it is the dining room table where you all gather, share your stories of the day, that is a hearth. It could be the coffee table that you lounge around as you chat and drink tea together, or it could be your altar.

Don’t get fixated on the word “hearth”, but realise that hearth is more than a physical location it is the feeling and has its own spirit. Does that make sense?

The spirit of the hearth is more important than the physical manifestation of it. The spirit is about feeling safe, loved, nurtured and cosy and to honour the spirits of the home. For example, every night I fill my nebuliser with water and the essential oil that I want to work with, light a white candle and say a blessing over it to hearth, home, health, happiness and harmony. Very simple. (Also makes my home smell fabulous and the candle makes it feel cosy).

Another one I love is from Blake Blair and it is a quick and simple ritual honouring the spirit of home and hearth, designed to raise the vibes and fill it with the blessings of the season and create a welcoming environment for you and those you love. Because of the rite’s simplicity, it is easy to personalise and embellish.

All you need to gather is a small white candle, and a simple offering to the spirits of hearth and home that conjures a cosy feeling, such as fresh baked cookies, a mug of a favourite drink, favourite incense or in my world, essential oil. Go to the place you consider to be your hearth. Light the candle and focus on calling in the spirits of hearth and home, invite Brigid in. Ceremonially place the offering (whether it’s a mug of tea or a cookie) near the candle as a gift to the spirits. Envision the purifying and radiant light of the candle growing, filling, and permeating your entire home.

Then say:-

Spirits of hearth and home, with this light may your presence here be grown. We ask to bless and protect our/my cosy home; with this offering our gratitude be known.

Hold the vision of the growing, radiant light bestowing the requested blessings upon your household. When you feel it’s reached its peak, clap your hands together three times and conclude the simple rite. If you feel inclined after this, make a list of your goals, both expansive and mundane and pop them under the candle and everyday until Spring Equinox light that candle. (It doesn’t have to be for a long time).

May you experience all the warmth and cosiness of the hearth in this delightfully chilly time of year.

New Year’s Resolutions? I think NOT!

Jenny Heston · 4:25 pm ·

This morning as I was grabbing some groceries, the woman ahead of me asked what my New Year’s resolutions were. I looked at her rather askance and said “I don’t make them as I don’t believe in that process as it doesn’t work for me.” She looked me up and down, gave me a “knowing” smile and turned away. Excuse me?

I used to be one of those people who when New Year’s Eve rolled up would be the first to list off my resolutions loud and proud – learn a new language, bungee jump 5 times in the year, become vegetarian – you name it. Do you know where those resolutions got me? Eating more meat, hating French class and being terrified of bungee jumping.

Was it because I had picked the ‘wrong’ resolution? No (well possibly when it came to bungee jumping as I’m not a fan of tall heights). It was just more a case of not being 110% committed, connected and filled with conviction for my resolution longer than about 2 months.

Think about it, if you are a regular gym goer, do you find yourself avoiding it in January? Why? Because everyone who has decided to lose weight, get in shape or improve their health buys a membership. What do you see come late February/early March – a much emptier gym. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not raining on anyone’s parade who wants to change something, improve something or learn something new.

However, my question is How Do You Want to Feel, whilst your doing whatever it is that you have chosen. When we make a resolution it is purely focused on “DO-ing”, not on the core state of “BE-ing”. In our culture we have been trained to the DO-HAVE-BE model. If I DO this, I will HAVE that and then I can BE happy. How about we flip it? Let’s work with the BE-DO-HAVE model. How do you want to BE? How do you want to feel all year? When you are faced with a challenge what is the BE-ing state you want to drop into, the BE-ing state to support your choices?

Feel? Feel? Yes Feel. Do you want to feel Joyful, Expansive, Radiant, Stronger, Sexier, Wealthier? How do you want to feel?

So are you willing to try something different?

About 7 or 8 years ago I ditched New Year’s resolutions and decided to go with a word (just one word), that I could hold like a touchstone in all areas of my life. A Word of the Year. This was an amazing tool that I learned from Christine Kane. This one simple word represented to me how I wanted to Feel, how I wanted to BE, which in turn massively encouraged me on the activities that I did and has created some wonderful impacts in my life.

As Christine Kane says; “ Let’s say you are one of the many people who would normally choose “Get Organized.” You’re tired of the chaos. So, you think, “I need to get organized. That should be my Resolution this year.” You look around and it feels as if areas of your life are out of control and overfilled with – blaugh.

You sit with your clutter. You spend a few days pondering words that will inspire you. You realize in an “Ah-Ha!” moment that you tend to cling to lots of things. You’re scared to let go, whether it is the trinket someone gave you, the old relationship, the clothes that don’t fit…..So maybe the word for you isn’t “organised”, maybe the word is “Release”. Thus, you choose the word “Release” because it inspires you in a bigger way than “Get organized.”

So, every time you approach your clutter or old relationship patterns you remind yourself of your word. “Release”. You start to let the clutter go. Eventually, you realize that you’re still holding on to lots more than just physical clutter. You realize that you hold onto resentments at old relationships. “Release,” you remind yourself. “Release” is your touchstone. It grows you throughout the year. It becomes your guiding force, not your harsh standard.

So for me in 2012 my word was Flourish and it was delicious to see what happened, in 2013 it was Desire and again it was mind blowing. 2014 was Expand, 2015 was Believe, 2016 was Radiant and 2017 was Trust. I’m still perking my word for 2018, there have been a few contestants, but I like to let it process whilst I reflect on this last year and what felt good and what didn’t feel good then from that place look at my desires and how do I want to feel with my family, my work, my clients, myself. So I would love to hear what your Word of the Year is going to be and why. If you need some help with picking your word, Christine has a lovely Word of the Year tool here, that is totally free.

Once I’ve picked my Word, I make sure that I have an image of it around my home, a little slip in my wallet and it goes in the front of my new planner for the year.

So what is your word going to be this Year?

Thoughts

jennyheston

Release Anxiety And Claim Your Power