Do you ever think of your life as a gorgeous tapestry where are all the various threads of your different relationships are woven together to create an amazing picture that you revel in? I do.
Another way I look at it is one of those deep piled, soft, richly coloured, warm, plush blankets. Each person in my life has a colour distinctive to them and they wend and wind throughout my blanket. Sometimes those threads overlap others and are dominant in an area, in other areas of the blanket they aren’t as present, and instead there is a different colour. However, it is the combination of all those relationship threads that make such a sumptuous blanket that you know at any time you can wrap yourself up in it and just revel and absorb the energy and feel totally safe, loved and appreciated.
My question for you is; what if one of those threads continually keeps looping up and creating havoc with your blanket? How many times do you fix it, mend it before you get to the point of removing it all together. Sure a temporary space is created in the blanket, however, it allows room for another colour to come in and create something even more gorgeous.
In other words, if you think of all the relationships you participate in, whether, family, kids, friends, partners, ex-partners, work, employees, bosses, co-workers; doesn’t matter, they are all part of the weave. If one of those relationships starts becoming toxic, dramatic and draining, it is time to clip that thread in its tracks and remove it. What does that look like? What will your blanket look like? Sure it changes the colours of your blanket, but probably for the best.
I’m not saying do that the first time round, everyone has bad days and makes bad choices, but if the behaviour is continually repeated and you don’t feel good about it, hmmmm, what do you think? I would personally give a time line with parameters as to what you need and expect (yes that word expect), and if it doesn’t change and stays the same old, same old drama and draining behaviour.
Cut the thread! Remove that sucker now!
Think of it this way, you have a friend who for days at a time is quite present, “pleasant and fun” to be around, and you enjoy them. However, repeatedly they shift, don’t respect your boundaries, rant at you, lie to you, expect you to pay for them continually and often create a huge drama in your life, totally unconscious as to what is happening for you and assuming that you will mend, tend and fix them.
Wow!.
Trust me the first time it will throw you off your tracks and send you sideways as you are gob-smacked that this person would do these things to you, yet alone say some of what comes out of their mouth. After about the 3rd time hopefully you have realised it is not about you, it is their stuff. You may have brought it up repeatedly to the point of ad-nauseum, heard and believe the “oops, I’m sorry. Oops, it won’t happen again.” Followed by yet another excuse or justification, yet the bottom line is it doesn’t change.
As much as you want to hold onto the brief memories of when they are lovely, it seriously isn’t worth it. Some people thrive on drama, broken promises, sarcastic behaviour that is on the edge of cruel. If that winds your crank, well, that’s up to you. Do you realistically want that playing out in your life over and over again?
I think it is time to smile kindly and say “Thank you so much for the learn, but I chose not to put my energy here.” Yeah, it is exceptionally tough to do, but how about you start valuing you, your time, your energy and your vision – it’s vital for your wellbeing.
So set the boundaries, cut the thread and then watch the gorgeous colour that starts to fill that space in your blanket.
